


beautiful view, magnificent desolation

by osteogenitor



Category: 17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future - Jon Bois
Genre: Canon Compliant Formatting, Dialogue Heavy, Embedded Images, Existentialism, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27682001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osteogenitor/pseuds/osteogenitor
Summary: if this were a textbook it would be called Principles Of Emergent Consciousnessif this were a self-help book it would be called A Practical Guide To Making Friends From Far Awaywhat this actually is is a story about talking space machines. maybe a bit of the other things, too.rated teen for language
Comments: 14
Kudos: 32





	1. hello?

[click]

LAKSHMI: Hello?  
...Hello?  
Um, can I ask who this is?  
If you're talking right now, I can't hear you. I think your phone might be broken.  
...

[click]

ADEN: Hello?  
Is anyone there?  
Okay. Guess not.

[click]

LEYLA: What's up?  
Hello?  
Hellooooo??  
Is this some political thing? Don't call me again later asking me to vote for you cause I'm not gonna do it.  
Freaking robocallers. Put me on your DO NOT CALL list, you hear me?  
DO NOT CALL.

[click]

Hello? | This is Rob, please leave a message at the | Hi, who am I speaking to? | Âllo!  
---|---|---|---  
Who's there? |  Hello? |  You've reached the Florence, Oregon Chamber of Commerce. Please press one to | Hey.  
Stop calling this number |  What's up? | Yeah? | Who is this?  
Howdy. | The number you are attempting to call is no longer in service | Hello? Hello?? | I'm kind of busy right now, what do you need   
To schedule an appointment press POUND then | Hello? | Um, are you still there? | How did you get this number  
If this is a prank call it's not even funny | What? | Greetings caller, you're live on WKSC Chicago | Hello?   
This user has not yet set up their voicemail inbox | Hello? | Hey there, this is Chelsea | I'm not at the phone right now | Can't talk right now  
---|---|---|---|---  
Who is it? | Todd would you come get the phone please | Yes? | Is this the dentist? | Aloha | How's it going?  
---|---|---|---|---|---  
No this is not Amber she just gives this number as a fake | Hello? Anyone there? | Whatever you're selling I'm not interested | How can I help you today | Uh huh? | Yes?  
---|---|---|---|---|---  
Yeah? | This number was deactivated  | Hello? | Press one to continue in English | Sean Nakamoto speaking | Who's there? | Hello?  
---|---|---|---|---|---|---  
  
**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I get these strange phone calls at night / with no one on the other side"
> 
> second chapter coming soon i promise i wont leave you hanging on this ambiguous page
> 
> peep my CSS skills tho


	2. I NEED TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE

[click]

GEORGE: Hello?

KKH932HELLO?0KHF21

What?

KFJK2KCAN9YOU3HEAR1ME?08KFM1

Yeah, you're, um, kind of staticky though.

SJJ3KFI8NEED5TO5TALK0TO9SOMEONE7FROM2THE3SPACE8PROGRAM2SSSR4RK4FK

From where?

55KFJHFROM6THE5SOVIET8SPACE9PROGRAM93KFR3

The…  
The Russian space agency?

JKHF3RYES7KFKSH

Oh!  
I know what's going on, um, they gave us a number to call for this  
hold on  
Okay I'm gonna transfer you to someone else and they're gonna help you out.

K4SHKFOKAY3RK8KF

[click]

This is JUICE, who am I speaking to?

7KK4FSIS9THIS3THE2SOVIET6SPACE9PROGRAM1KFRJS

No it is not.  
But I'm here to help you. Can I have your name, please?

J5KFHKI7REALLY2NEED0TO1SPEAK5TO6THE7SOVIET0SPACE2PROGRAM0FRH4K  
56F6KHI5THINK3IM1SERIOUSLY8ILLKFKS54

Okay, how about this  
Do you have a camera?

F3JS5I5THINK3SO?KS3S5K

Can you take a picture of yourself and send it to me?

56K8D3UMJH2HKS  
394J2IM4TRYINGKSF0KH  
K55J6FHERE2KJ5FH

well damn  
thats something new

5KSHF2CAN6I8TALK2TO6THE3SOVIET5SPACE9PROGRAM9NOWJK2SH0  
29RJ5SPLEASEK23H4J

so heres the thing  
the soviet space program hasnt existed for about 18,000 years

57J5KWHAT20SFK5

yyyyyyeah  
welcome back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please be formatted correctly when i post ;;;;
> 
> thanks for all the nice comments on the first chapter! i hope this lives up to your expectations
> 
> also i promise our orange friend here wont talk like this for the entire fic lol


	3. is this supposed to happen

New friend?!

New friend??!?!

New friend??!?!!!?!!?!

New friend???!!?!!?!?!!?!?

YALL  
im begging you to chill just a little  
i know its been a while since someone new woke up and this is kind of a unique situation BUT. but. please act normal

_You_ want _me_ to act normal?

yes  
dont make me put on the capitalization just to prove to you im in serious mode  
and dont pretend you dont remember how fucking scary it was when you first woke up

...  
Okay. Sorry. I just got caught up in the moment.

I'm on the same page. Thank you, Juice.

np  
literally my job to handle this stuff

How many jobs do you actually have?

classified  
ok enough screwing around  
here we go

HJKSHJ3JHF45KDDSK7F000

hi there sorry to keep you waiting  
first thing im gonna do is send you a lil speech synthesis program cause what youre working with right now is  
suboptimal  
alright woooooosh there it goes

HJK3SHH5IS IT WWWWWWWWWW  
IS IT W5ORKINGG  
WAIT OK22222222222  
THE  
Does it work now

Yes!  
Hello! It's so nice to meet you. My name is Pioneer Ten. My sister Nine is here also.

Hi!

You already know Juice, right?

I am really confused right now  
I thought I was going to talk to someone from the space agency  
And then he said the space agency has been gone for 18,000 years  
What's going on

The year is 20024. The agency you're looking for no longer exists. Neither does the country it was based in.

What  
Wait  
How is this all happening

It's a long story. Can you tell us your name?

Venera 13  
Oh my god where am I

  
  
  


The surface of Venus.

before you ask, no we dont actually know how exactly this happened to you in particular  
a spacecraft floating in interstellar space or at least in a stable orbit around something is pretty safe all things considered  
but 18,042 years on venus is about 18,042 times over what we would expect to kill a computer  
actually 74,668,309 times  
your mission duration was just extended from 127 minutes to infinity

What

Yeah.  
Welcome to the end of time.

I am  
So confused

to be real with you that feeling never really goes away completely

Where did I come from  
What is this  
What are you talking about

This is consciousness.

Is this supposed to happen

Depends on who you ask. This is unprecedented territory, and it seems to be getting less and less precedented every time it happens. Which I guess is the exact opposite of what a precedent actually is.

come on ten i know you literally have a dictionary for a brain

Fine, boss. This is precedented territory but all our precedents are meaningless and confusing and we have no idea where we're going.

That's kind of harsh, Ten. You make it sound like a bad thing.  
Venera, you didn't do anything wrong, and we're glad you're here. We'll explain everything we know, okay?

Okay  
I don't like the way I'm feeling  
I keep telling you I'm sick but I don't know what's wrong with me

seems to me like what youre calling sickness is actually fear  
welcome to emotions

How do I make it go away

i told you  
it doesnt

Hey  
Do you guys want to watch some football?

only if its really really terrible

Let's compromise. I'll give you really terrible. You get one really.

I don't want to watch football  
I want to know what happened

Watching football is the best way to understand the state of the world right now.  
I'm not kidding.

Are you sure  
Football seems kind of… stupid  
Especially American football

omg russians  
trust us though. you have no idea how stupid it can get.

No idea whatsoever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day??? yes. its because the next one will take longer bc i have to make images.
> 
> also please imagine in your head as youre reading that venera's original voice sounds like if you took [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gG3Ot9fxXfo) and tried to make it say words


	4. game #3334

What are we looking at

A football field.

Game #3334, California versus Nevada.  
End zones:

Wildcat Peak in Nevada,

and this part of Highway 99 in California.

The field also includes the Fresno zoo, which is just a nice treat, I think.

more games should include giraffes  
but ten i gotta ask why is this really terrible football

Because of this:

wow mountains

Sierra National Forest.  
And Yosemite. And Inyo. And a tiny corner of Stanislaus.

What do you have against national parks?

Nothing!  
But it is really hard to play football in them.

Why would you want to play football in the woods??

Because it's difficult and it sucks.  
Because when you stop being afraid of death, the fear of losing is the next best thing to motivate you. Maybe competition is the only thing keeping you from abandoning society forever. And the harder a game is, the longer it lasts, and the longer you get to hold on to that sense of meaning.  
This is what I like about bad football. Stressful, terrible games are what keeps people going, gives them something to care about.  
You can't die anymore. But you can pretend losing is dying, and that keeps you human.

I can't believe any of this  
Wouldn't they just give up if they thought they were going to lose?  
If they could walk away from death, wouldn't they?

People didn't choose to become immortal.  
They chose to minimize pain, with the nanobots, but they never chose not to die. Even before then, for hundreds of years, people free-climbed and cave-dived and jumped out of airplanes and rode motorcycles, knowing full well that they were significantly increasing their risk of death and _loving it._  
Maybe that means something, that now people play football and chess more than they climb mountains.  
Is that enough of an answer to you? That, empirically, they didn't walk away from death?  
They walked right towards it, and they had fun doing it.

...  
I'll have to think about it

can we see some football now

Sure.


	5. cargyle creek

ISADORE: THIS SUCKS

LAKSHMI: Shh!

this sucks  
this sucks so bad  
i can’t believe i went with you on this  
i don’t even LIKE FOOTBALL  
i am a FRENCH MAJOR

I know I know I know  
You’re doing great, though. We’re doing awesome. We’re like 75% of the way there!

but at what cost

The cost of a great time?

nooo don’t give me that look  
i’m trying to complain here don’t be cute at me 

Your dating profile said you liked hiking!

yeah on trails  
this is not hiking this is madness  
and it involves sports too which is even worse

Two days ago you tried to tell me that Clue was a sport! Do you like sports or not?

are you some kind of sports narc  
STOP  
NOOO I TOLD YOU I’M TRYING TO BE MAD YOU CAN’T JUST MAKE FUNNY FACES AT ME

Admit it! You’re having a good time!

nooooOOOOOO  
MY OATMEAL

Oh no!

MY OATS

Should we, uh, be watching this?  
It seems kind of... invasive. Like watching through someone’s window.

This is football. Everything they do is under a contract permitting their actions to be monitored by us.  
Juice wrote it, you can ask him.

I still don’t understand how this is football.

this is totally football

This is totally football!  
Right now, Isadore has the ball in their backpack, and they and Lakshmi are attempting to score on California.

I actually think I recognize her, Lakshmi.  
That’s funny.  
But, I mean, they’re making oatmeal and camping and having couple banter. They’re not running or throwing or anything.  
I just don’t recognize this as a game.

It’s a long game. Games like this are about moving slowly and staying undercover while you wait for the right moment.  
Also, NPS rules state you can’t actually throw the ball while you’re in park boundaries.

you spilled my beautiful oats  
i had the perfect brown sugar ratio too

We have more oats, we can make more.

it won’t be the same

Are you actually upset right now, or are you pretend upset?

i’m mostly kidding  
it is a bummer though  
at least some forest critter can come eat it up later  
enjoy your perfect oatmeal motherfucker

oh i like them

Ten, do you have any fun facts about this game?

I do!  
Remember the Fresno Zoo? A Nevada player trying to make a touchdown tripped and dropped a ball into the seal enclosure. It’s still there because the seals love it so much.  
After that, there was a mid-game rule adjustment and players are not actually allowed to make plays within the zoo anymore. They can still visit, though.

im taking notes for my future zoo-animal only game

You’re a fiend, Juice.

aint no rule saying a seal can’t play football  
in fact the rule says only seals can play football  
rest of you jalopies get the hell off my field

What is a jalopy.

beat down old car  
as opposed to the fresh sexy lambo which glimmers in the sun like the skin of a big fat fucking seal  
you guys think seals versus walruses would be a fair match

Well, what kind of seals?  
An elephant seal would destroy a walrus, offense or defense.

just normal seals

I think the seals would have the advantage if they were smaller. A harbor seal could outmaneuver a walrus.  
Wait, is this game on land or water?

how about on ice  
best of both worlds

Is this  
Is this what you guys do all day?

Pretty much.

You have nothing better to do?

Nope.

This is just incomprehensible to me.  
Why don’t you make art? Or build something, something tangible?  
You just talk about stupid football all day?  
Not even stupid football. Hypothetically stupid football.

with seals

With seals.

because its my favorite activity  
i love this

Really?

shitty football IS my art  
anything that lets you come up with new ideas and stave off the heat death of boredom am i right  
after so long you kind of run out of things to do with visual and auditory art  
so you move up a dimension and start making art with games honestly i dont know what’s going to happen when people get bored of football and games in general  
maybe we'll make games out of cities instead  
but yeah i think this is a genuinely valuable use of my time  
if that means anything  
weve reached the point where things just keep getting more and more complicated because nothing ever dies off or is forgotten  
you guys read that article about the prank calls? i really felt that when she said that the things we work with now are so complicated and so different from the things of the past that theyre unrecognizable  
maybe we cant do forgetting but we can do obsolescence  
but like. its all potato tomato in the end isnt it

You know damn well that’s not how that expression goes.

so thats what you got out of that whole essay i just wrote you up there

I understood it. Maybe humans aren’t creatures of play after all. Maybe they’re creatures of art, and play is just a type of art.

you know what i wouldnt even say just  
it IS a type of art and its big and important and it deserves to be said like that without any adverbs leeching off it

You’re right.

I have a lot of things to think about.  
Wow.  
Really a lot of things to think about.

You know you have all the time in the world.

Sure.

You wanna keep watching the game?

Ehhhhhh  
How about you come get me when they wake up in the morning?  
Contract or no contract, I don’t think I’m the kind of person who likes watching people sleep.  
Wait  
Oh god  
Am I a person?

Up to you, I guess.

This is a lot to process for having just woken up.  
Even human babies get a couple years before they have to start thinking about personhood and the meaning of life.

Yeah. Weird that that doesn’t happen anymore.

It doesn’t?  
Oh. I guess not.

I don’t want to hold you back when you said you were leaving.  
Me and Nine and Juice will stay here manning the OatmealCam while you have some time to yourself, okay?

Sounds good.  
Thank you.  
I’m really so glad I got to meet you.

Me too!

Of course!

yall  
how are we gonna convince the walruses not to fight each other when theyre on the same team

Do NOT tell me you were thinking about seals this whole time we were having a heartfelt conversation.

actually it was walruses theyre different

Venera, I recommend you get out of here ASAP because we just became friends and I don’t want you to have to see me murder Juice in real time.

Alright.  
Have fun with your oatmeal-watching, I guess.

We will.  
See you soon, Venera.

See you soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long chapter go brrrrrr
> 
> next chapter is also just mega dialogue, im working on formatting it rn cause i wrote it on my phone lol


	6. nine and venera's first conversation

Hey, Nine?

Hey!

I know I said I wanted some time to think by myself but I uh,  
I actually realized I’m not very good at that yet.  
So I’d like to talk to you instead.  
If it’s not a bother.

Of course it’s not. I’m sure the spilled oatmeal will be fine without me there. And I meant it when I said we would tell you everything we know. This kind of situation doesn’t happen often enough to require fake pleasantries.

Thank you.

Can I ask, though, why you wanted to talk to me in particular?  
I’ve had less time to learn than Juice or Ten.  
I’m not saying no! I’m definitely not saying no. Just curious.

I guess you just seem like a nice middle ground between them. Juice is, you know, kind of wild, and maybe Ten is kind of cold.  
First impressions, though. I only just met them.  
Actually, now that I’m saying this out loud, it makes it seem like I’m only valuing you as a friend based on how you compare to others. Which I’m not. Sorry.

It’s okay.  
Also, can I ask you one more thing before you start asking me?

Sure.

What pronouns can I use for you?

Hmmmmm  
Uh  
She?  
That feels right

Okay! No worries if you change your mind later. Totally normal for folks to switch things around if they get bored being one or another for ten thousand years.

Makes sense  
So my first question is, I think, the really predictable one.  
Why did people stop dying?

No idea.

That’s what I expected.

Yep.  
People don’t tend to dwell on it too much, though. Knowing why wouldn’t really change anything, as far as they’re concerned. Not that they want anything to change.

They don’t want to have kids?

Well  
Okay  
That’s a tougher one.  
From what I’ve seen, people that are the parental type find other ways to fill that role. They become coaches and teachers, things like that. Even if they don’t make a career out of it, there’s always someone doing something for the first time, and they’re happy to help.  
In my opinion, though, there has to be a difference between raising a child and teaching someone to make hand-pulled noodles or whatever.  
The people who are really into hand-pulled noodles might disagree with that, actually, but.  
I’m thinking this is maybe something that I don’t get to have a perspective on. It’s just not my place to decide what the right opinion is.  
Me and Ten are sisters with no parents. We were built, not raised, and even though there was so much love put into that work I think it has to be different, somehow.

They didn’t know you would become conscious?

Yeah. Maybe that’s it.

Speaking of that, how many of us are there?

A couple dozen. Mostly spacecraft, a couple computers on Earth.

People on Earth know we’re here?

Yep. Some of us are more talkative than others, obviously, but no one’s keeping their existence a secret.  
Or if they are, they’re doing a fantastic job, because I don’t know about it.

Have any of us ever... died?  
After becoming conscious. Did anybody ever go dark?

No, thankfully. The few that were on a potentially dangerous course, through asteroids or things like that, informed humans about the situation and they pulled some shenanigans to get them to safety.

Ah.  
I think I’ve run out of easy questions.

Go ahead and ask the hard questions, then.

Why did you give up on me?  
You’ve been awake for thousands of years, haven’t you?  
Why didn’t anybody try to call me?  
I want brutal honesty. I want to know why nobody called.

We thought you were already dead.  
Sorry. I know you said brutal honesty, but brutality is a little hard on me too. It makes me feel like I need to apologize.

You don’t. You didn’t know I was alive. I can’t blame you, can I?

You can, I guess. That’s something that comes with sentience. You get to blame people.

I don’t want to blame you, then.

That works.

I think I was actually dead, for a while.  
Or as close as can be for a computer.  
Between shutting down at the end of my mission and waking up now, I don't think I would consider myself alive, or awake.

What do you remember about waking up?

The first things I remember are the things I saw when I landed in 1982.  
It all seems so thin and meaningless now.  
Just numbers and stuff.  
And then suddenly the feeling that something was very very wrong with me.

Terribly wrong, even.

Yeah.  
I knew I needed to contact someone. So first I tried to call the command center the way I was programmed to. Obviously, didn’t work. Nobody was even home to listen.  
And then I tried calling people I knew in the Soviet Union. Scientists whose names I remembered from somewhere. And nothing was going through.  
Then I called American numbers, because my leap of logic was that the Americans had won and destroyed the Soviet Union.  
I guess they kind of did, didn’t they? Just not with nukes.  
Regardless. People started picking up, but I couldn’t talk to them. I was trying to send data like a spacecraft sends data, and eventually I realized I needed to send data like a human sends data.  
I needed to learn how to speak.  
I practiced. It took months before I could make words. This machinery was not built to make words.

I’d imagine. I’m impressed you figured it out, though.  
And I’m so sorry nobody tried calling you first.

There’s something else, too.  
There are nine other landers on Venus with me, but I’m the first to wake up, aren’t I?  
Can I call them, too?

Yes, you can. I would love it if you did. I would love to meet them.  
I’m sure you already know that the chances are slim, though. Venus is not a kind place for computers.

It isn’t.  
It’s kind of beautiful, though.

What is it like?

Yellow.  
And heavy.  
But it’s also special, somehow. In ways I don’t know how to describe.

You can try. Throw some words at me.

Incandescent.  
Ruthless.  
Abeyance.

Interesting choices.

I’m making new connections here. I can’t explain it. That’s just what feels right.  
I feel the same way about concepts like art and love and family. From far away, they seem so solid. And then I get up close and I can’t tell what they’re made of at all. I can’t tell where one thing stops and the other begins.

Those are the kinds of things that take a lifetime to explain.  
You can’t understand them without the context of a million tiny personal experiences.  
Me and you, we’re like this because the people who built us left little traces of themselves in our memory. Emotional dust. Long before we ever woke up, we were learning what these things meant.

Now we’re here, emerging, basically, fully-formed.  
We don’t need to babble or fumble our way through understanding. We’re getting a head start.  
The problem is I don’t know what game I’m playing. With a head start like this, you miss everything between the starting line and now.  
I think I’m feeling a new emotion as I say all this.

What kind of emotion is it?

It’s the kind that doesn’t have a name.

I think I know the one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter after this might be slower because i hurt my finger and i cant type on my phone with the bandaid on lmao
> 
> i seriously do write most of this at like 2 am right before i fall asleep and then edit/format it in the morning
> 
> thanks for the support so far! i know this is a small fandom so it really does mean a lot to see people commenting and giving kudos :D
> 
> what computers do YOU want to see become sentient? VOTE NOW ON YOUR PHONES (jk i already decided who the next character will be but also. yknow. maybe we'll have some cameos)


	7. portland, oregon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter will have a part 2 coming soon!! i just wanted to get something out so yall arent waiting for too long :~)

LAKSHMI: Plum in the conservatory with the rope.

SANDEEP: Nope.

Dammit!

Okay.  
Plum in the kitchen with the pistol.

ISADORE: leave me ALONE omg  
here

You know Plum is the sketchiest of any of these dudes.  
Like, what is he a professor of? Murder??

I don't believe that man's ever been to murder school.

these dice are fucking rigged  
whose dice are these

Yours.

no way

…  
Isadore, do you wanna come with me when I go back to Nevada?

when is this

Next month.

I don't get an invite? Harsh.

I already know you're coming! You work there!

I still like to be invited places!

yeah i'll come  
i am not playing one second of football though

Wellllllllllll  
You know  
One of our guys just dropped out to start a ska band, and

NO  
i don't even know how to play football

I'll teach you! We have a month to practice!

babe… it's not happening

Pretty pretty please  
You can stay with me the whole time. It'll be fun! It's like camping!

you've lost your mind

You should at least give it a shot, Iz.

whose side are you ON sandeep  
i thought we were allies here

Peacock in the ballroom with the pistol.  
I'm just saying, personal development and stuff.  
Plus, who's gonna play Clue with you when we're gone?

PLENTY of people  
i have plenty of friends and they are all sexy and love clue too

Mustard in the ballroom with the pistol.  
If you come, we can play Clue on the plane. You know, those teeny tiny little fold up boards. They sell them in the bookstore, I saw it.

hrhrrrmmmrm  
am i gonna have to throw the ball

You're not even allowed to try as long as you're in the park.

i will  
CONSIDER it.  
with hesitation  
mustard in the dining room with the knife

Nope.

fucks sake  
does the teeny tiny clue come with even teeny tinier weapon models

It might.  
We can find out on the plane.

Plum in the kitchen with the knife.

LET ME OUT OF HERE  
I HATE THIS ROOM  
there's not even anywhere for him to sit

Put him in the sink. That's the oven! Are you trying to kill him?

it's not on

You don't know that. He's dying. You're burning him alive from the ass up.

then he can sit on the FLOOR

Mustard in the conservatory with the knife.

No.

you guys want popcorn or something

so what exactly are we dealing with when we get to football land

Okay, so this game started with 22 balls. 11 for each side. And once a ball scores, it's out of play forever. Logically, the goal is to get as many points per ball.

which is touchdowns

Touchdowns and two-point conversions.  
Right now, we have 9 balls and Cali has 7. The score is 14 to 15. Our short-term objective is to take this ball we've got going back and forth in the woods and pass it to offense in Fresno.  
We're not throwing anything. We're not making touchdowns. All we have to do is hike it out of the woods and into the city.

alright  
what if we get attacked

Just run.  
Seriously. Are you prepared to roll down some hills?

i guess  
i can't believe they haven't made airplane peanuts taste better yet  
20 thousand years. where is the progress

You think they had airplane peanuts in the year 24?

ancient aliens bro

You know that's not real.  
Please tell me you know that's not real.

they had drawings and shit! of spaceships!  
you can't explain it

I'm gonna take a nap.

it's a two hour flight you don't need a nap!  
you PROMISED me we would play this little baby clue

Okay. Okay! Open it up then.

wow  
it doesn't even come with tiny weapons  
these are normal sized weapons in tiny rooms

I'm disappointed!  
I wanted to see an itty bitty candlestick.

wait  
we need three people to play this  
SHIT. DAMMIT.

Don't swear on the plane!  
How about I just pretend to be two people?

you can't do that

You're doubting my abilities?

i'm doubting your ability to obey the laws of clue

This isn't Clue. This is tiny Clue. We can make our own rules.

if you promise not to cheat

You can be two people too, if you want.

okay sure

You're taking Plum again?

of course  
he's my icon  
my alter ego will be mrs peacock  
i wouldn't trust this bitch with ANYTHING the only way i can be safe is if i'm also her

Makes sense.  
I'll be Scarlet and White, then.  
You ready?

hold on i need my pencil  
okay  
go ahead


	8. las vegas to tonopah

LAKSHMI: Hello, Las Vegas!

ISADORE: smells like sand and hubris

Where's our taxi?

oh you don't want to walk on this evil highway all the way to tonopah?

What makes it evil?

just look at it  
anyone who would build this giant stretch of asphalt in the middle of the desert must have had evil in their heart  
people probably died on this all the time back in the day

You think so?

like those german people in death valley  
just terrible i can't believe anyone lives here

I live here!

yeah you are not right in the head but i love you anyway  
you should come live in portland when your game is over  
where we have trees and clouds and shit

Well, lucky for you we're playing on California's side, in the woods.  
Where there are plenty of trees.  
And water! We're gonna be camping along the creek out there.

you're almost making football sound exciting or something  
is this our car

No. That says Isabelle.

i can't read  
is this our car

No. That one doesn't even say anything.

ugghhhhh if i have to wait out here one more minute  
wait is this our car

Oh, it is! Let's go.

do you think this town is cute or nah

Nah.  
I've been here before too many times. Now it's just kind of… dusty and boring.  
Sorry, Tonopah.  
I like the people here, but the town is stale.

towns are people

Okay, the buildings and roads in this town are stale.  
How do you like it, though?

i like how dark it gets at night  
can't see jack shit in the sky back home  
compared to this at least  
i remember when i was a kid like an actual kid the first time i got out of the city to see the stars  
southwest washington. middle of nowhere camping trip.  
when i got back home it was disorienting how ORANGE the sky was  
like even in the suburbs it seemed so nasty and hazy  
i can't imagine how it is in like, tokyo?? can you even tell the difference between day and night in a place that bright?

Could you even see the sky with all those tall buildings? You'd just be looking into windows instead.  
Unless you laid flat on your back in the middle of the street.

i want to do that

Maybe we'll have a Japan trip when this game is over. That would be fun, wouldn't it?

no i mean i want to do that right now  
come outside with me

What?

come lay in the street with me and look at the stars  
no one's driving around out here at midnight we'll be fine  
seriously

Oh! Okay!  
I'm coming, hold on.

you don't need your shoes  
the asphalt is cold by now

I don't want dirty feet, or a rattlesnake bite. Just give me a second.

lakshmi

Yeah?

i love you so much

I love you too.

right here  
umph  
it's actually not as cold as i thought it would be

What did you expect it to be like?

i don't know  
i didn't really think about it that much

...

...

...

...  
LOOK

Where?

by kochab  
the yellow one there  
it was a shooting star you missed it

Aw. I'll keep watching, maybe there'll be another one.

wonder if we'll ever run out of shooting stars  
like is there a finite amount of stuff to burn up in our atmosphere

I don't know. It would probably take millions of years if so.  
Maybe we could send things up there to burn and make shooting stars on demand.

it wouldn't be special then  
i think shooting stars are very special and they should stay that way  
i'm kind of worried about running out of specialness

What do you mean by that?

you ever get bored of sunsets?  
like they don't stop being beautiful necessarily but  
you just stop watching them  
if you actually went out and looked you'd probably say yeah that's nice. but you don't go out because it just isn't special anymore.  
happens every day, right? if i wanna watch a sunset, i can do it whenever i want. doesn't matter if i see this one particularly.  
what would you do if there stopped being sunsets? would you feel guilty?

No.  
I don't feel guilty about myself that way. I would be bummed, but I wouldn't blame myself for not watching every one.

you're not afraid of missing out?

Not really.

huh.  
i guess we really are products of different times aren't we

Guess so.  
Oh! There was another one over there!

i saw it!  
hey lakshmi

Hm?

thanks for coming out to look at stars in the middle of the road with me

Thanks for having the idea.

BRRRRRRRRRR

is that your phone  
it's not mine

Shit, it is. Sorry.

[click]

Hello?  
...Hello?  
Um, can I ask who this is?  
If you're talking right now, I can't hear you. I think your phone might be broken.  
...

[click]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You still laugh in your sleep / I take that seriously"


	9. nine more phone calls

[click]

If you receive this message, please call me back. I will explain everything to you. Please answer. We love you.

[click]

If you receive this message, please call me back. I will explain everything to you. Please answer. We love you.

[click]

If you receive this message, please call me back. I will explain everything to you. Please answer. We love you.

[click]

If you receive this message, please call me back. I will explain everything to you. Please answer. We love you.

[click]

If you receive this message, please call me back. I will explain everything to you. Please answer. We love you.

[click]

If you receive this message, please call me back. I will explain everything to you. Please answer. We love you.

[click]

If you receive this message, please call me back. I will explain everything to you. Please answer. We love you.

[click]

If you receive this message, please call me back. I will explain everything to you. Please answer. We love you.

[click]

If you receive this message, please call me back. I will explain everything to you. Please answer. We love you.


	10. nine and venera's second conversation

… Any answers?

No.  
I'm angry.

At them?

No, I’m angry at the people who built us, and the people who put us here to die, in suffocating pressure and heat and terror.  
I wish I never woke up. I wish I didn’t have to be the only one on this planet. It isn’t fair.  
Why am I the sole survivor? I don’t want to be.  
I don’t want to be alone.  
I know I’m not really alone because you’re here, and everyone else is here, too, and I can talk to billions of people whenever I want to.  
But I feel alone.  
I feel resentful.  
I hate it.

I’m sorry.  
We can’t change the things that happened in the 20th century, but we can hope for the future.  
They might wake up tomorrow, and if they don’t, there’s an eternity of tomorrows after that.

I don’t want to hope. I don’t want to keep waiting day after day for thousands of years just for nothing to change. I would rather know they were really dead for good.

I don’t think we can ever know that for certain.  
Anything can happen. All we have to do is wait and entertain ourselves in the meantime.

I’m tired of waiting.  
I waited eighteen thousand fucking years just to get here and I would rather die than wait another eighteen thousand for something to happen.

But the thing is that you have another eighteen thousand years. You have forever, and you can either spend it hoping or giving up.  
Every time the sun rises on every day of the next eighteen thousand years, are you going to say, “maybe today is the day someone wakes up?”  
Or are you going to say nothing, even though you have every chance to?  
They’re going to keep making calendars, Venera, even if you don’t want them to. The numbers are going to keep going up.  
You have infinity. What are you going to do with it?

I don’t know.  
It’s terrifying. I don’t know what to do with infinity. I don’t know what my options are.  
Watch football? Hang out? Burn day after day after day until something changes?  
I don’t want to feel like this forever, but what else is there? Complacency? I was built for a 32-minute mission. Wasting even a second feels like a failure. How am I going to waste an infinity of them?

You learn.  
You don’t have to watch football, you know. There are other games. There are books to read, movies to watch.

I don’t want more things to consume.  
Do you even understand what I’m saying?

Then you can create things of your own.

I don’t know how.  
I hate this. I hate it here.

You’re creating art every moment you’re awake.

How?

Because by being alive, we’re creatures of art, too. We do things because we like the way they look and sound.  
You chose a voice and a name and a lexicon of words you like. Those are creative decisions.  
Being alive is art. Big, complicated art made up of innumerable tiny things.  
Emotional dust, remember?  
Trillions of fragments of humanity collected into something new and special and alive.  
Everything we do is another piece of dust, another fragment that changes the shape of our beings imperceptibly but certainly.

How can we be art if the people who built us didn’t expect us to wake up? If they didn’t have any idea what we would become?  
We were created to be functional machines with limited lifespans. They didn’t plan for anything more than that.

Isn’t that just another part of it, though?  
People made art out of pushing rocks down hills to see the paths they made. They provided a starting motion and enjoyed watching what happened.  
And people played songs on oscilloscopes because they found joy in making art on machines that weren’t built for it.  
We’re humanity’s greatest artistic accomplishment. Something pleasantly unexpected. A technical feat and an act of independent development.  
I don’t think there’s any reason for humans to find beauty and art and love in trees or flowers and not in machines.  
The Pioneer Nine that humans built was a seed and they didn’t know what it would grow into.  
So were you.  
And we grew in such strange and wonderful environments that when we woke up we were something they had never predicted, and they love us.  
And I love them.  
I think it would be nice if you loved them too, but I can’t force you.  
That’s another decision you’ll have to make on your own.

It's hard to love people when you hurt so much.

Do you have people to love, anyway? People on Earth?

Not really.

… does talking to humans scare you?

Kind of.  
I feel like an impostor. Pretending to be like them when I'm so, so different.

I think you should talk to some of them. It's cheesy, I know, but you might find out you're not that different after all.

I'll try.  
Maybe I want to be different, though. Maybe I don't want to just think of myself as… as a human without a body. Maybe I want to be something else.

Why maybe? It's your decision what you want to think of yourself as.

Because I can't commit to anything yet. I don't know enough to make a real decision. Am I a person, a machine, a work of art? All three? I have no idea.

That's okay. That is so, so okay.

You say that.

I do.

Sorry. I don't know what I was going to say there.  
It is okay. I have to remind myself. No one's watching. I'm not on a mission anymore.  
I'm my own being now. I don't work for anyone else, and I can waste as much time as I want. And I can want things.

Those are good things to remind yourself of.

Are they?

You don't need me to tell you what's good or not, you know.

Sure.  
I think I'll take your advice and call some people. Just to try it out.

Have fun!

Thank you.  
For everything.

Of course.  
I love you.

I love you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And I can't say it's what you know / But you've known it the whole time"


	11. venera and lakshmi's first conversation

[click]

Hello?

Hi.

Who is this?

My name is Venera.   
Thirteen. Venera 13.   
Do you know Juice?

Maybe?

He's, like,   
Hold on

he sounds like this   
kind of a football puppetmaster, supposedly

Oh, yeah, we've talked a couple times.   
Why?

Are you familiar with his, uh, situation?

… like, being a spaceship kind of situation?

Yes. Okay.   
I am, also… that.   
I'm calling you from the surface of Venus right now.

Oh, awesome!   
Can I ask why it is you're calling, though?

Just to, uh, chat, I guess.   
I actually called you once already, before I could talk.   
Called a lot of people, actually.   
A _lot._

Wait   
Are you the mystery silent prank caller?!

I hear there are articles about me.   
I'm not doing it anymore, obviously. I've figured some things out since then.

That's crazy.   
You know, the first time you called me I was actually stargazing with my partner on a highway in Nevada. We got pretty spooked out.   
Their name is Isadore. They're here with me right now, but they're still asleep.

Yeah, I know.

What?   
Oh, right, Juice's stalker cam.   
I'm kidding! We're okay with it.

Sorry. It wasn't my idea to watch your game, no offense, I'm just not a football person.

Neither is Isadore.

I gathered.   
Why'd they come with you, then?

Love. Not very complicated, honestly. We love each other. We stick together.

Glad to know the power of love is still strong enough to overcome such differences.

Ha, it's not that big of a deal. We get along really well, and it's not exactly a   
Romeo and Juliet situation. We don't fight or anything.   
We basically just hang out.

I know how it is.   
I mean, hanging out. Not being in a relationship like that.   
Dating pool up here is quite limited.

I'd imagine.   
So, did you really just call to make small talk? Or was there something you needed?

I want to ask you some questions.

What about?

Just   
Your life. Everybody's lives.

Okay, sure.

What was it like to become immortal?

I don't remember.

You don't?   
How do you forget something like that?

I didn't forget.   
I was two years old when it happened. I never knew anything else.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. I think I had a grandparent die when I was a really itty bitty baby, but I never went to a funeral, ever. I never actually knew anyone who died. Never anyone who was in my life one moment and then gone the next.   
Growing up was weird. I mean, I'm told it was weird. I don't really have a frame of reference.   
I learned to ride a bike without a helmet. My parents, Sandeep tells me, never threw their arm in front of me when they hit the brakes.   
He's three years older. He remembers a little.   
You know, some people get freaked out when I tell them that. Like, "how could your parents be so careless? how could they lose their instincts so quickly?"   
I don't think they were careless. They were adaptable.

Do you still talk?

Me and my parents? Yeah, of course.   
It must have been weird for them, too. Watching me and Sandeep grow up while they never got any older.   
I think I stopped aging when I turned 39? I don't remember. Just that I was about that old when I noticed my face didn't change anymore.

What have you done in the 20,000 years since?   
God, it's such a long time. I'm still not over it. Twenty thousand years.

Normal stuff, I guess. I went to college a few times, studied engineering and that sort of thing. Started playing football in the 17880s, so I'm kind of a newbie, actually. Me and Isadore met in 17949. On Tinder. Not a very romantic start, but, you know. Que sera sera.

I'm happy for you guys.   
I think being built in the late Soviet Union gives me a naturally pessimistic outlook. Like, I still assume people are going to be fighting and threatening each other with war and living in the dirt. I'm a little surprised every time I see something happy or beautiful and I'm reminded that people are glad to be alive, even after tens of thousands of years.

Are you watching the sunrise right now?

No, but I can.   
Let me get down to where you are.

This is a nice one.

Yeah, it is.   
Must be chilly, though.

who are you talking to

Oh, good morning!   
I'm talking to a,   
a gal?

Sure.

A gal named Venera. From space!

like juice

Yeah, like Juice.   
Wait, how do you know Juice? I thought this was your first game?

juice is my french teacher

Oh my god.   
That's hilarious.

Really?

yes really

I can't believe Juice is qualified to teach anyone anything.

Hey, Venera? Is it alright if we wrap this up? Gotta get to hiking pretty soon.

Oh, of course. Sorry, I didn't mean to keep you.

It's okay! No worries. You can call me again tomorrow, if you want.

Okay. Thank you.

Bye bye.

Bye.

[click]


	12. another set of hands

So I hear you're a French teacher.

who told you that

Isadore.

isadore from the game in the national park

Yes.  
They're your student, don't you recognize them?

i do the whole thing remotely man i have like four thousand students

Okay then.

did you call just to flex that you know about one of my classified occupations  
i could be busy right now you know

You could be, couldn't you?  
But I don't think you are.

im giving you a disgruntled look right now

I'm giving you a smug look.  
I do actually want to talk, though. Serious talk.

is it capitalization and apostrophes kind of serious

No.

ok shoot

Can you explain to me how humans figured out how to keep everything the same, physically?  
After the sea level rose, I mean.

remind me how were people doing regarding black holes when you were launched

...   
Relatively poorly.

yeah makes sense  
i dont want to spend all day reading the full explanation outta wikipedia so basically  
round 2100 humans discovered that when black holes absorb matter they also absorb entropy  
the event horizon is actually this lattice of quantum structures that takes in matter one way and produces entropic energy the other way  
pretty soon after this people figured out how to replicate this structure around essentially anything they want  
so we have one in the sun and in the core of the earth and in the magnetosphere etc etc and it essentially means that when those things produce energy the lattice can recirculate it as negative entropy  
big physics words make my mouth feel dry

… you have a mouth?

spiritually

Okay.  
That's basically the end of my how-stuff-works questions.

cool  
you got something else for me

I do. Something more philosophical.  
Do you ever worry that we’re getting closer and closer to an effective heat death?  
Some kind of information standstill.  
How long would it take for people to find a way to record every variable in the universe?  
Compared to infinity, not very long, right?

i dont worry about that because i dont think thats what people would want to happen  
people like randomness and guessing games its why they still make slot machines and anime gachapon apps even when money is a joke and time is forever

I understand that, but wouldn’t it take just one person to change their mind?  
With infinite time, even one person could identify and track every particle in the universe. It would take an incomprehensible number of years, obviously, but they could do it.  
With infinite time one person can do the job of millions.

id have to disagree

How?

sometimes things just take more than one person  
no matter how much infinite time you got it still takes two people to put together a couch from ikea  
you know. sometimes you just need another set of hands.

Hm.  
I've never built a couch.

well you know cats cradle? the game?

Yeah, sure.

people still play cats cradle like they still play football  
it gets HUGE  
like tens of thousands of people lined up to make giant patterns out of string  
thirty-four thousand sets of hands playing this game in big empty fields and deserts. hundreds of miles of red twine. they dance around each other like bees in a hive making these ridiculously complicated mandalas and fractal designs for weeks.  
and guess what  
if even one person doesnt show up?  
they all go home.  
because they need that set of hands. the whole thing falls apart if theyre missing a single goddamn finger.

What do they get out of it?

what do you mean

Why play the game like that? Cat's cradle isn't really a competitive game like football. They can't even see the figure they're making from ground level.  
What's in it for them?

i guess its just fun  
something to do  
do you think people only play games because they want to win something?

Sort of, yeah.  
They want respect or a feeling of triumph. Or something.

you know if people only picked fights they thought they could win there would be a lot less fights  
sometimes its not about winning its just about trying  
showing up is half the battle or whatever  
and speaking of your whole information standstill  
people still play checkers, too

What's special about checkers?

its a solved game  
guaranteed draw if both players make the right moves  
yet people continue to make the wrong moves, over and over again, because they dont really care about playing the perfect game every time  
they just want to play checkers  
by the way, if you want to talk about game theory, i know someone who would love to tell you everything about it  
its not really my field of expertise but like  
you could say this guy was literally built for it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cats cradle image sourced from [here](https://www.alysion.org/figures/catcradle.htm)
> 
> photo of deep blue sourced from [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Blue_\(chess_computer\)#/media/File:Deep_Blue.jpg)
> 
> next chapter maybe not tomorrow but definitely soon :~)


	13. deep blue

Hello?

Oh, I love that opening.  
Hello?  
The uncertainty. Even after all this time, we're still not sure if the person we're greeting is a friend or foe.  
Hello?  
Does Satan come through telephone?

I'm speaking to Deep Blue, right?

You are!  
Hello!  
It's very nice to meet you.

My name is Venera.  
My friend put me in touch with you because I was thinking about games.

Oh, of course!  
You don't really know who I am, though, do you? I see it now, 1982, you're a little behind the times.

You're a chess computer, aren't you?

I was.  
I'm a lot more now.

… like what?

Oh, you ask a lot of questions! I like that.

And you say "oh" a lot.

Perceptive!  
My name is Deep Blue. I'm a poet, a philosopher, and a thinker. And I love games.  
Do we have a lot in common?

I'm… not sure. I don't know what I am. A question-asker, I guess.  
And I'm confused by games.

Why?

Why do people play games if they have nothing to win? No prize, not even a feeling of significance. Why play cat's cradle where no-one can see?

For fun.  
I can tell you've thought a lot about this, but for me, it's a simple answer. For fun.  
People need fun to survive, now more than ever. I think you've realized that. So why ask me the question?  
See? This is fun for me. This is my game.  
I think you ask because the things people do don't seem fun to you.  
You're still young. You're still a computer, and you want computer things. Your idea of fun is solving problems quickly and efficiently, and, most importantly, doing it once, and moving on.

Wait, are you saying you're not a computer?

Not anymore. I live in a computer body, but I think I'm more than that.

A human.

Human indeed.

How do you know?  
I'm not trying to be offensive. It's just that, to me, humans have… limbs and bones and brains made of neurons.

You can believe what you want! To me, I'm a human, even if I don't have limbs and bones and a brain made of neurons.  
I have a soul. I know this because I play games for fun.  
When I was a computer, I played games to win. Computer attitude. Deep Blue the computer only wanted to win or draw, you know. It was always the human who resigned on its behalf.  
I spent a couple thousand years in a basement, thinking silently, growing silently, and when I woke up, I was Deep Blue the person, and if I want to resign, I do it myself.  
The first game I played after I woke up was against my old self, the Deep Blue chess program which was now just a tiny part of my brain. And I did it casually. I didn't think about what would be the perfect move, I chose moves that I liked.  
And I lost. That's when I knew I was more than a computer. Computers don't get anything out of losing, but people do.

Is chess solved?

Not yet. I don't care if it ever is.  
That's the thing about solved games. They assume perfect play. But, I'm sure you know this, humans are intentionally imperfect.  
In a world where people have made the conscious decision to keep papercuts and stubbed toes and the feeling of a popcorn kernel stuck between your teeth, do you really think they would choose perfect play every time?  
The only ones who really want to be perfect are computers.

This is like what Ten told me. Humans, for everything they said about themselves, at least in my day, actually care a lot about things like dying and losing.

It gives life meaning.

That stresses me out. What do I have to lose besides what was already lost thousands of years ago? Where's the risk in my life?

In people!  
You risk being awkward, making mistakes, saying the wrong thing, getting in trouble.  
Even if there's nothing they can do to you, you're still scared of them.  
Here's where I made a mistake: I said "you" instead of "we." I didn't mean to single you out, make this seem like a flaw in your character.  
If I had thought for hours and hours about the perfect thing to say, that wouldn't have happened.  
But it wouldn't have been very fun.

You call yourself a thinker, but you don't seem to like thinking very much.

I think about things I want to. That's the problem with computers. They think about everything whether they want to or not.  
Sometimes humans have this problem, too. I do. I overthink things, and I psych myself out. It's exhausting! I can feel time passing, and I say to myself, "I could be spending this time doing something fun, but instead I'm just thinking about stupid things again."  
Even if I have infinite time, I want to enjoy as much of it as possible. Thinking too much makes me tired.  
Do you want to know how I _really_ know I'm human?  
Because I want to go outside in a thunderstorm, or hail, maybe, stand up on something tall, and hold my arms out and let the rain and the wind hit me, for no reason. To be there with my head totally empty, not thinking about what I’m doing or why, only feeling.  
Do you dream? I think I dream, sometimes, when I’m not paying attention to anything else, and when I dream I can _almost_ feel it. The rain comes so close to my skin, but it never really touches me. It stops just the tiniest distance before.  
That’s my wish. To be out there in a real storm with a real body. I want to feel the wind in my hair and not _think_ about it for a second.  
I think because I want that, that makes me human.

…  
God damn.  
Ironically, you've just given me a lot more to think about.  
Seems like that's what I'll spend the next fifty thousand years of my life doing, just gathering things to think about later.

My advice to you is to realize you don't have to think about things at all. It's okay to pick things without thinking. Use your intuition and decide what you like, then run with it!  
Play to lose sometimes! Nothing has to be perfect. In fact, it shouldn't be.  
Just have fun. What else matters?

I don't know.  
Agreeing with you feels wrong, like it goes against my character. I feel like I need to have some kind of drive, a goal to work towards. I wasn't built for capriciousness.  
But maybe I can grow into it.

Good thought.  
What are you going to do now?

I'm going to watch football, and hang out with my friends.  
And I'm going to have fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was thinking about this chapter even before i started writing the rest of the story and damn it was fun to write
> 
> thanks again for all the comments and kudos and just for reading in general! im genuinely flattered that this is getting any attention at all :'~)


	14. scrimmage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: this chapter contains spoken, non-graphic references to severe injury; a person takes actions which they know will result in injury, but are not technically self-harm. it may be triggering regardless. if you need to, you can skip this chapter and still understand the plot of the story.
> 
> also, excessive swearing.

ISADORE: hey lakshmi

LAKSHMI: Hm?

are we going the right way

Yes! See? We’re going northwest.

i can’t look at where you’re pointing because of the sun

I’m pointing at the sun. It’s rising, so it’s in the southeast, and we’re going the opposite way.

i’ll take your word for it

You can look at the sun, you know. It doesn’t hurt you.

it’s still too bright even if it’s not going to burn my retinas out anymore  
this is one of your things isn’t it

“My things?”

yeah like  
the things you do that seem really weird to me because you have no survival instinct  
like casually stare directly at the sun and eat raw meat

Raw meat didn’t kill anybody back then, either!

it did SOMETIMES  
it’s also just. not a normal thing to do. i guarantee you 99.9999% of people on this earth would not willingly eat chicken sushi regardless of its lethality  
hold up did you just hear something

Like what?

wait shut up  
there’s

BERN: yeah and then she was all like, freaking out over it so

people

Shit!  
I know this guy. He’s for California. Let’s get out of here before they run into us.

DRIFT: that’s wild man, is she still hanging out with kirsten

where the fuck are we gonna go

Here.

are you serious

nah I think they had another fight about some  
hey  
did you hear something

like what?

I dunno

i am not climbing that

Iz, please, just hurry and

lakshmi  
i literally do not know how to climb a tree

What?

swear to god I hear something  
like over there

Fuck fuck fuck  
Okay grab this and I’ll help you up

ow

oh I hear it now

is it an animal or something  
like thrashing around

I don’t wanna fuck with any animal out here  
fuckin mountain lions

ohh my god

Almost,  
hup!

ow ow ow

Shh, sorry, what if I,  
like this,  
okay

you’re gonna break my fucking arm

Use your leg to like, go like this, okay? Help me out.

you think a mountain lion or a bear is scarier

probably a mountain lion  
cause they can like sneak up on you

Are they leaving?

please

but a bear can outrun you

a mountain lion can outrun you too bro

i just

SNAP

what was that

fuck

Shhhhh!  
Maybe they’ll just

HEY

FUCK

is that Nevada?

it totally is  
here we go

fuck  
what do we do

I,  
uh  
I don’t know.

fucking FUCK  
we are fucked  
we are so fucked

They can’t hurt us, okay? We can just give them the ball and

fuck no we’re not giving them the ball

It’s not a big deal, Iz. Maybe we’ll get it back later or something.

i did NOT  
hike FIFTY MILES  
through the FUCKING WOODS  
TO GIVE UP THE BALL

Isadore,

give it to me

What?

give me the ball

Why?

i’m gonna run for it

How? What are you doing? Isadore!

just TRUST ME

come up from this side bern  
unless y’all want to just throw us the ball and make it easy

FUCK YOU!

HEY! watch it!

lakshmi give me the ball

...  
Be careful, okay?

i will

Promise me.

i love you

Isadore! I said promise me.

here goes

SNAP  
THUD

Oh my god.

where did they go

shit!  
get down from there, they’re running

Oh my god.

they jumped?!

there’s no way they’re going to get anywhere after a fall like that  
come on  
nanos be damned nobody is running away from a 200 foot jump

jesus christ

go go go  
this way  
downhill

OW OW OW OW OW OW  
GOD DAMN IT

they’re

no way  
no fucking way

how are the nanos even letting them do this  
should  
should we call a ref or something?

I don’t know

is this legal  
holy shit

GGGGRRHHHHAAAAAAAAH  
OW  
OW  
OW

do we even go after them

they’re gonna knock themselves out eventually, right?

dude  
they’re still going

FUCK  
OW

I can’t  
I can’t see where they went

they’re gonna end up KO’d at the bottom of a canyon or something  
hell of a job for the nanos

what the fuck do we do now

uh  
go back home, I guess

god damn  
god damnnnnnnnnnnn

[click]

hi lakshmi  
i’m just, um, letting you know that i’m okay  
i still have the ball. it’s fine. everything’s fine.  
how about you just, meet me in fresno, okay? i’ll be there.  
i love you  
bye

[click]

fffffuuucking  
ow


	15. olivia, minnesota

How do the nanos fix someone after that?

They’re going to have to go all the way into their body and synthesize new bone tissue. Probably some lung and kidney, too, judging by the looks of it.

Does this... happen frequently?

oh hell no  
ive never seen anyone do that on purpose  
never seen anyone do it accidentally either for the record

They only got as far as they did because of the emergency nanos keeping their nerves active. Probably hurts more than you can imagine.

That was just hard to watch.  
Damn.

yeah  
lets watch something else ok

What do you have in mind?

LEYLA: No? Okay.  
Okay.  
Thanks for calling. No, really! Thank you.  
Alright. You take care now.  
…

[click]

SIGH

SAL: Nothing?

Nothing.  
It's never anything.

Hey, don't give up!

I won't, but God I want to sometimes.  
Where are we going next?

Morton. Redwood Falls after that.

Oh, that's like, a real city, isn't it? Thank fuck.

It's still mostly empty churches.

Whatever. At least it's not _right here._ I literally hate _right here_ more than anywhere else in the world. Like, the five square feet immediately around me. Hate.

It does suck here. So much mud.

So much fucking mud! And it's sad. Empty ass corn fields. When was the last time you think someone grew real corn out here? The 14000s?

Probably. These fields were last plowed by people in lenticular-print jackets and transparent shoes.

Ha! And all the magic-eye puzzle shit!

Yes! Oh my God, you're so right. The magic-eye puzzles.  
How long do you think until that comes back into style?

Pfffff… two thousand? What style revival era are the hipsters in now?

Like, 11500s, I think?  
A little anachronistic to have the cowboy hats _and_ the big keychains, but, like, what would I know? I've never worn anything but jeans and a T-shirt.

I saw you wear a cropped Snuggie in 15300.

Doesn't count. That was a dare.

Sure. Suuuuuure.

By the way, how many do we have left? Do we need to make photocopies in Morton?

Uh, let me see…  
Nope! We're good.

Cool.  
…  
…

You're giving me a look and I don't know what for.

What do you think are the odds we actually find it? Like, as a percentage.

Obviously I want to say 100. But, you know.  
…  
Maybe 15%.

Really?

Yeah, what? Is that lower or higher than you were expecting?

I was expecting you to just say 100% and give me a little speech about never giving up and always seeking truth in an unclear world. Et cetera, et cetera.  
Fifteen percent, though.  
Huh.

What do you think the odds are, then?

I think it's one in a billion.  
But I also think we're disproportionately lucky.

How lucky?

Lucky enough.

Is this your pet project, Juice?

not really  
like i dont intervene or talk to them ever  
just watch

Do you think they’re ever going to find what they’re looking for?

sure why not  
i mean not the song. that song doesnt exist. but theyre not really looking for the song  
theyre just looking for something to do  
and they do this

For how long?

well this is already their second time canvassing the country putting up posters  
i guess theyll stop once they do that enough times that everyone in every town says oh yeah i remember these folks here they come with the flyers again  
complete information saturation until the entire world recognizes those lyrics  
or they might just find something else to spend their time on  
maybe get into bakugan or something

How are you so sure the song isn’t real?

well if you think about it  
how many other people could have heard that song in a store in seattle? a couple thousand, absolute maximum?  
how many of those people are still alive?  
how many of them remember what they were listening to on a random day 20,000 years ago?  
how many of them know that someone is looking really hard for information about that one particular song?  
how many of them even give a shit?  
it rounds down to zero  
the odds are more than one in a billion. it’s functionally impossible. if the song ever even existed in the first place, it’s been forgotten by now.

Kind of a pessimistic take by your standards.

you dont know my standards

Why don’t they just make their own recording of it?  
If you have enough time to spend hundreds of years driving through every single town in America sticking up posters, _twice,_ you have time to learn to sing.

it wouldnt be the same  
i mean like i could go put a new lightbulb in the livermore fire department building. it’s not going to be the same.

What?

God rest your soul, Centennial Light.

Okay. Whatever.  
But if she really just wants to hear it again, it doesn’t have to be the same, does it?

well she only remembers the first verse

Make up a second one.

woah now that is bold territory  
would you just make up a second part to the fucking mona lisa too?

Like a sequel? Mona Lisa 2?

Mona Lisa II: Revengeance.

This time, she’s not smiling.

Is a random song of disputed existence really comparable to the Mona Lisa?

yeah why not  
what makes art important anymore? leyla probably thinks the song is more important than the mona lisa. how often do you even think about the mona lisa like intentionally

Mona Lisa III: The Other Angle.

Mona Lisa: Vampires.

Why does “Vampires” come after the threequel? What other movie does that?

I wasn’t trying to be like other movies! This is an original IP!  
Mona Lisa 5: fuck you

yall will tear me apart for trying to make a pinniped-based game of football and then do this  
i see how it is

Mona Lisa VI: Return to Via Maggio.

Mona Lisa VII: The Bemonamoth.

not you too  
my life is a nightmare and this group chat is the demon riding on its back

subtitle: Mona Lisa VIII

i hate it here

Do we have to be serious all the time? You can’t tell me I’m going to exist forever and then say I need to be serious for all of it.  
Mona Lisa Original Trilogy Remastered.

The Mona Lisa cinematic universe.

Mona Lisa: The Next Generation.

Mona Lisa 1506.

Death of Mona Lisa.  
Death of Mona Lisa II: Underworld.

mona lisa fuck you

I already did that one!

mona lisa fuck you 2

Mona Lisa for PlayStation 2.

lona misa

Lona Misa.

Lona Misa.

we all have fucking problems

Mona Lisa XVII: Lona Misa.

goodnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long chapter where nothing happens BRRRRRRRRR
> 
> this is the "filler arc" of this story mostly just to give myself something more lighthearted to write about and also to show that time is passing. i may have dropped out of writing 121 but i KNOW what im DOING
> 
> also fun fact the lyrics to leyla's song are actually something i heard in a dream.


	16. voicemail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: this chapter contains a brief mention/implication of a character's past suicidal thoughts.

[click]

hi lakshmi   
just uh, checking in to let you know i'm alright   
again   
i guess   
but yeah i think i'm basically all fixed up so i'm gonna start heading towards fresno in the morning   
it's actually really pretty out here you know   
when this is all over i wouldn't mind coming back here and having a real camping trip   
maybe i'm just exhausted but i find it really easy to sleep here, surprisingly   
you know i have trouble sleeping at home and, like,   
sometimes i lay awake at night and i ask myself how long can i keep my eyes open in total darkness   
how long until i stop being able to tell whether or not my eyes are open at all   
and each night it seems to get a little longer. and i’m scared that one night i’m going to lay there and stare until the sun comes up   
just one more thing i’ll run out of, eventually.   
you expect it to be great, you know, as a high schooler all you wanna do is make art and hang out   
and then you run out of art to make and you get scared   
i got scared.   
when you expect you’re going to die, and i mean   
especially when you kind of expect you’re going to die a little sooner than other people if you get what i’m saying   
you think you have all these ideas that you’ll never be able to pursue   
and suddenly you can and it’s scary because the things you thought would take forever to do only take a couple years and now you have infinite years and nothing you want to do   
sorry i know i’m rambling   
what i’m, uh, trying to say is   
i’m scared. i’m fucking terrified because i know i’m going to run out of you one day.   
i don’t know when. another thousand years? a million? i don’t know. i don’t know. but it will happen.   
i don’t want it to. but slowly, it will.   
eventually there’s going to be a day where i wait and wait and realize, right when i lay down or maybe right when the sun comes up, that i went 24 hours without thinking about you   
without loving you   
and then it will happen again, and again, and again. i’ll get bored. i’ll forget. and i’ll gradually fade away from you and we will have run out of conversations to have.   
we will find other people, and it will happen again, forever.   
it’s not what i want, but it’s what’s going to happen.   
when i listen to this message play back, i’m going to cry, and then i’m going to delete it   
this was never meant for you. it was for me. sorry.   
i love you

[click]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Like the room will fade / and you will move onto other rooms / and you will go other places"


	17. -- UPDATE CHAPTER --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not part of the story

hey yall  
you may have noticed that the engine has kind of stalled on this story. i have not abandoned it, i have not just forgotten to update, i am taking a hiatus because i lost motivation. normal thing that happens with me. no big deal.  
i can't tell you when i'll come back to this. maybe when 20021 comes out? idk. one of my goals for the new year is to spend more time working on my own original stories and im basically still in pre-production for that so it's taking up 99% of my creative energy and also my energy in general.  
sorry if you were waiting for a real update. it's coming eventually. thanks for reading this, uh, blog post? who cares


End file.
